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Today: Days 6, 7 and 8

21 Aug

My nails went perrrfeeeccctttlllyyyy!

I’m very happy with them

my_nails

I had a pretty quiet day on my day 6 of pinning, I picked a gardening one, which was more a reminder to me to go and water my pot with my tomatinos in!

toma

There are flowers on them already, I’m so chuffed I’ve managed to keep them alive!

Day 7 for me was getting on with my quilt. I’ve pinned so much under my ‘home-maker’ board about it, and I have all the stuff, I just had to get on with it!

quilt

I picked two of my fabric colours, and cut out some 4″ x 4″ squares… But man they are small… I’m going to have to rethink how big they will be. I may move to 8″x8″ squares… But im not scared of my cutter any more.

I think I need to use my scissors more though….

Day 8!

This day was a mental relaxation day. I was highly strung with Anxiety so I had to try some breathing exercises at my desk.

panic

It helps immensely actually, I recommend trying it!

Day 9!
declutter my wardrobe/closet/clothes….

wardrobe

This is severely needed. And I nee dto be brutal…

I’ll write tomorrow how this one goes. It’s gona be tough. But If I can at least make a start, I’ll be well on my way!!

I’ve also made a list of everything I *need*…. as this diagram can go around in a circle!

It’s been a tough few days for me. This is actually a really good challenge of doing a pin a day… I just need to try and keep up with telling everyone!!

Remember to follow my ramblings on twitter @Harriparf and my board on Pinterest

Today: Day 3, Mental Care

15 Aug

I’m stark raving bonkers.

Yep.

SO yesterday I did the body bum work out thing… it hurt and burned a bit! Felt pretty good though. I’m definitely taking those squats and lunges and adding it into a warm up routine!

Today, the hubby and I have been out for lunch with the family, so my day has been taken up socialising in the sunshine and eating lovely food with sweet company. Which means I don’t have much time to ‘do’ anything else.

Obviously I’m sat on my sofa playing some games and talking with friends and watching Saturday night television!! But I wanted to add a pin today that I could still do.

I’ve decided that today should be about mental wellbeing… Nothing drastic like Yoga in 16 awkward positions whilst breathing through your nose and humming, but something simple to get me away from it all!

So here it is:

keepcalm

 

Simple.

I’m going to go make a cup of tea now.

I have a book about the perils of running a friend lent me that I really haven’t finished yet that I should really aim to. So tonight I’m going to make a dent in it.

10:30 pm will be my ‘up to bed’ time. I’ve got to make sure I step away, get into my PJs and put some chill music on and read for a bit. Even just one chapter! God I miss reading…

I know It’s silly to say, but I won’t read books that are in the middle of a film or TV series. It’s like I’ve got to stick to one medium?

I’m still reading Lord of the Rings… THAT’S a hard book to get through, very detailed and good, but its very hard to get into properly.

In fact… here’s a list of books:

  • Lord of the Rings – reading, hard to finish
  • Body Book – Cameron Diaz autobiography. Easy reading, could finish in an afternoon
  • The Hunger Games (Trilogy) – Need to wait for the films to finish, then I will be all over these!
  • Sense and Sensibility – TRYING to read this, but the style is strange for me!
  • Pride and Prejudice – Can’t wait to start on this!
  • Little House (all the stories!) – I have to read these again. 
  • Anne of Green Gables – same here, I have to read them again, to take the full story in as I just cant remember it properly
  • A Year of Losing the Dating Game – someone from school has written a book… I feel I should read it as it does sound hilarious!

Anyway… One day when I have a nice big bay window that I can sit in with the tv on and lots of pillows, I can read. Or in my big big garden.. A girl can dream?

Don’t forget to follow my board on Pinterest, and throw me a follow on twitter to: @harriparf

Today: The Booking

6 Oct

On Monday it will be exactly 10 months until I get married 🙂

After having a massive adreneline come down I have been a bit of a mess for a couple of days, but mainly because I get to now plan plan plan!! Guest list is pretty much done and we know what we want – including what cake! It’s now just a question of saving and paying and booking. EASY now that we have a venue!

Today I also joined the gym. And did a weigh in since I got my new scales from Argos.

Last weigh in was 81.3kg (yeah.. the nurse was shocked at this number as well because I don’t look like it) today I weighed in at 79.5kg 🙂 small steps! But now I have the gym membership, I can escape a few times a week and blast out my frustrations from work and everything. It also means I will start toning up quicker. Something I am sure everyone who is working out wants to see!!

So 10 months t0 go! Ideally 7 months to get in shape and I’m sure many more stressful blog posts to come!

I can’t wait 🙂

Today: I finally win

30 Sep

From the title of this post and the last couple I have posted, I think it’s time to properly announce myself. I have been 4 weeks without my citalopram, Charlie flushed my remaining 3 pills as it did get to a point where I just wanted to start again, but they are gone.

As are my twitches and any other nasty side effects, except the presence of a reduced appetite. Which if I’m honest, I’m not complaining about!!

I’m happy that its over with. Now I can get back onto my exercises, plan what I’m going to be doing, and not be hindered by stupid panic attacks. It also means I can get back to blogging about f1. And building up my science blog more! Better write my to do list for tomorrow 🙂 it’s nice to feel free again!

Today: 11 days without Citalopram

12 Sep

Now you may remember I have previously posted about my issues with anxiety and the tablets that I have been slowly coming off for the past six weeks.

A week ago last Saturday I couldn’t face taking a tablet. So I didn’t, I did this everyday, and have made it everyday for 11 days.

I’m having random twitches but apart from that, I’m coming off them well. My head feels a bit clearer and I think I’m getting to a more ‘normal’ place. At least if you ignore my loss of appetite and my even more intolerant personality.

I’m just less patient at the moment. But after all the panic attacks, previous withdrawals and going back on my tablets, these symptoms are the best.

The worst I’ve had? The onset of panic attacks, lower limb weakness and severe sickness.

I’m making it through the other side thankfully, and this time I plan on staying there.

Today: The Episode

15 Aug

Those who have suffered panic attacks will know where I come from in the following blog post. I hope those who don’t know what it’s like read the following and gain an understanding of what we have to go through.

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I was on the final day off on my withdrawal programme for my tablets, which is one day on, two days off, I had been feeling a bit twitchy all day – suffering minor spasms which make my tummy knot up for about a second before relaxing out again, however I wasn’t feeling ‘right’.

It got to the evening and I was moody, my moods are all over the place when I am not on my tablets, and poor Charlie gets the brunt of it as I hold off it all at work. The Olympics were playing their ‘inspirational stories’ as it was the Sunday of the closing ceremony, something, I don’t know what, set me off, and I just went into our room to calm down, cry a bit, recover and to just have some alone time.

Unfortunately this didn’t happen.

I sat on the edge of the bed and could feel tears coming down my face, except I couldn’t. It’s hard to explain but the best way I can is that I was just numb, emotionally I couldn’t understand why I was numb, physiically I could feel everything, but it was like their was a blanket wrapped around me, I could feel the pressure, but nothing else. The only way I thought I could snap myself out of it was slapping myself across the face, a reasonable thought as this is what happens in TV shows.

What happened next I wasn’t expecting, I got angry.

I felt like I wanted to punch something, So I did. I punched my chest of drawers, and for 10 fleeting seconds it was like reality hit. I could sense things feel things again. My heart was still racing and after these 10 seconds I started getting the twitchy feelings again, and my hands started to curl and cramp and the blanket swept over me again.

It was all these noises and me sobbing that caused Charlie to come in. Supportive as ever, I just couldn’t explain what I was (or in this case wasn’t feeling) So I snapped out, but instead of a slap across my face It was my own fist that hit the side of my face, it made my ears ring I hit that hard.

Charlie acted instinctively and held my arms above my head, looking horrified. How could I do that to myself? Looking back I can’t imagine doing that to myself. I just cried. I buried my face into him and tried to scream, but I couldn’t. I just screached out hot air. not even making a noise.

I continued until my twitching stopped, and all I could do was cry. I got up and Charlie took me to the sofa, I played a mine numbing game on his phone until i felt my heart rate coming down.

This was the worst episode I think I have had. I wasn’t sick or felt sick, I wanted to hurt myself.

Would you call it hurting yourself? I was trying to feel again, trying to get through this invisible blanket surrounding me, stopping me from having any of my senses.

It freaked me out, and since I am off on holiday next week I am even more freaked out it will happen there, which when you suffer with anxiety disorders, the worst thing that can happen is being anxious about being anxious. I just have to stick it out. I want to come off the tablets, and I am getting better, I honestly don’t know what happened.

All I know is that I hope it doesn’t happen again.