Tag Archives: Citalopram

Today: I finally win

30 Sep

From the title of this post and the last couple I have posted, I think it’s time to properly announce myself. I have been 4 weeks without my citalopram, Charlie flushed my remaining 3 pills as it did get to a point where I just wanted to start again, but they are gone.

As are my twitches and any other nasty side effects, except the presence of a reduced appetite. Which if I’m honest, I’m not complaining about!!

I’m happy that its over with. Now I can get back onto my exercises, plan what I’m going to be doing, and not be hindered by stupid panic attacks. It also means I can get back to blogging about f1. And building up my science blog more! Better write my to do list for tomorrow 🙂 it’s nice to feel free again!

Today: 11 days without Citalopram

12 Sep

Now you may remember I have previously posted about my issues with anxiety and the tablets that I have been slowly coming off for the past six weeks.

A week ago last Saturday I couldn’t face taking a tablet. So I didn’t, I did this everyday, and have made it everyday for 11 days.

I’m having random twitches but apart from that, I’m coming off them well. My head feels a bit clearer and I think I’m getting to a more ‘normal’ place. At least if you ignore my loss of appetite and my even more intolerant personality.

I’m just less patient at the moment. But after all the panic attacks, previous withdrawals and going back on my tablets, these symptoms are the best.

The worst I’ve had? The onset of panic attacks, lower limb weakness and severe sickness.

I’m making it through the other side thankfully, and this time I plan on staying there.

Today: The Early Demise?

1 Aug

So on my usual troll of the BBC News website, I found myself come across an expectedly dramatic title:

Mild Mental Illness ‘Death risk‘”

Now, as I suffer from Panic disorder, something which I have spoken about before – think depression, but more intense spouts of panic and anxiety instead, for no reason – and something I think I will continue to speak openly on this blog about.

This did infact send me into one of those sinking feelings, and reading through I was skeptical. Are the percentages in context? Is this from a reputable source?

Dr Tom Russ said: “The fact that an increased risk of mortality was evident, even at low levels of psychological distress, should prompt research into whether treatment of these very common, minor symptoms can modify this increased risk of death.”

I did a huge google search of a Dr Tom Rush  and have discovered he is who he says he is in the video clip so I would say the source is confirmed, however since I don’t subscribe to the British Medical Journal, I can’t check the paper for more detail.

Should I be worried? Well, considering the risk of a premature death is increased by 16% – 67% (lowest level of stress to highest) I would put myself at 25% more likely, as I only have attacks when I’m off my tablets, and I don’t care what the doctor says, Charlie can tell, and I can feel it when I have forgotten my Citalopram, I become more snappy and stressed.

But being 25% closer to death when the age we are living to is an ever increasing number isn’t that scary. I’d be quite happy to make it to 80.

This does start to make me question whether I should come off my Citalopram, since I had my first prescription I have since halved my dosage (over 4 years), and the doctor now thinks I should come off it. But if I come off it and become more stressed and anxious, then wouldn’t that just be an increase on the risk of my early demise?

If the BBC article is to be taken literally, then the work I have done to bring my life back to normality and to work my way off the tablets and learn to cope with the increased stress and anxiety will not be worth it. I don’t want an increased level in stress or anxiety, it can totally ruin you. Nights out? You can get wound up by just being in the room with lots of people. Have guests coming round? Just the thought of entertaining and everything having to be perfect can send you over the edge, especially when it doesn’t all go to plan (eg under-cooked veg can upset you). Taking exams? – Forget the 2:1 you promised yourself, the inner battle you have to face to just to calm your brain down to retain the information is hard enough, a battle I wish I hadn’t tried to fight alone.

Not talking about it is one of the bigger battles. Everyone wonders what’s wrong, and all they can see is you struggling, and after a while it’s all they expect of you. I wish I had told Uni about it because then I could have got more help. Even though at the time I thought I was getting the best care from my GP (the best GP I have ever had!).

Thankfully I have Charlie now, he thinks I should try and come off the tablets, One day on Two days off then less.

I’m still not sure if I should be putting myself through this stress, especially as I snap at the smallest thing and then get even more anxious and unnecessarily stressed at the thought that I am driving him away. I’m kind of stuck as to where to go now, follow my GPs instructions? Or follow my body rejecting withdrawal and the drive to my early demise and just keep on the tablets, which seem to be keeping my sanity and emotions in check..

Today: Progress Halted.

21 Sep

You may remember a couple of weeks ago i stated I was starting a new diet and exercise regime?

Well It has been 3 weeks since then, I had managed to build up my running from half a mile every day to managing to run the mile!

However due to some fault that not even the doctor knows what it is, i started suffering from harsh breathing problems. I had to be put on steroids for 5 days (6 tablets a day..) Which fixed the problem temporarily. I managed to build myself back up to run the mile once, before i started withdrawing from the steroids which made me throw up every hour or so, leaving me dehydrated. I started suffering the same breathing problems again the next day so I had to go back to the Doc to sort it out. Thankfully i took my mum who had written down every symptom i had had. After almost fainting in the chair whilst the Dr was listening to my breathing, he thinks there is an infection on the right side of my chest.

Current prognosis is Infection induced Asthma, I am on 500mg tablets of Clarithromycin (twice a day) and 5mg of Prednisolone (6 times a day). Along with my 10mg of Citalopram (Panic Disorder), 10mg of Cetrizine (hayfever) and the good old contraceptive pill means im pretty much taking a pharmacy of drugs a day. O and the Ibuprofen for the headache caused by dehydration.

I’m so annoyed at all of this because I had managed to lose 5lbs in the space of a week, (nothing shifted for 3 weeks then suddenly it all went) and I was feeling better about myself having managed to run through my ankle pains to make the mile. Now I can hardly walk up and down the stairs without being so out of breath I have to sit down.

Apparently my blood pressure is the definition of perfect, my O2 SATS are at 97% and my pulse is 58bpm. So I’m healthy in every other sense of the word, I just can’t breathe normally.

My plan now is to walk the dog 0.75miles for 2 days, then try running half a mile and walking dog for 2 days, then run 0.75 miles and walk the dog for 2 days, then try the mile and walking dog for 2 days before upping my distance again (as that’s when the steroids should have done their work). The antibiotics are for 7 long dreary alcohol-free days, (It says it in the leaflet I can’t drink… DOH!) then I have a follow up appointment on Monday at 11am.

Hopefully someone will know what’s wrong with me.

And for the record I’m not pregnant/with child/spawning the devil. I’m just frustratingly Ill.