Have you ever just woken up and just not been able to cheer up?
Today I had everything I have wanted for the past 3 months. Charlie to wake up to, bottle of water by my bed, bacon sarnie and a cuppa for brekkie and I had nothing planned for the day. This to most people [replace charlie with appropriate partner, this one is MINE!] is perfect.
And it was. blissful, gorgeous and just relaxing. I just couldn’t bring a smile to my face.
I think it has to do with a few reasons, all of which exasperate my panic disorder. which is shit.
- We can’t do anything today. It’s a bank holiday so us doing house viewings or bank stuff has just been thrown out of the window [I now have a stupid furrow on my forehead and am progressively getting angrier]
- There is stuff that needs to be done before the house viewings and we can’t. (see above)
- We can’t look at furniture because we don’t know how big our flat is going to be because we can’t view any flats because we can’t sort a joint account out because it’s a bank holiday.
- We can’t sort bills out
- We can’t move out
- We live in a little room to escape songs of praise
- We can’t do wedding stuff because we haven’t sorted our house out yet
- Today is a fat day
- The BBC are ruining the jubilee (seriously… EVERY CHANNEL?)
- I just want to feel like I’m doing something
- I can’t possibly comprehend eating cous cous and salad for an entire week again because I will go mad.
- My tummy hurts.
- I think I have an intolerance to something because it’s only after bread and pasta that my tummy hurts.
- I really REALLY want a McDonalds. Large meal, chicken McNuggets, large fries, and a diet coke.
- Every little thing is annoying me
Weight loss is stagnant at 11st 7lbs. And it is not shifting. Soon I will just be having meal replacement milkshakes for every meal. So I’m also sad about that. But the mirror teases me, it makes me think I’m thin, then if I’m out I will catch the size of my tum/bum/thunder thighs and then feel like having a burger.
Charlie has said he will help me plan tonight, I will hold him to it. I will also secretly start a count as to how many cups of tea I get given, since we are now together in the same place I wonder if there will be more than the one I have to beg for on saturday mornings…
Point of this post was that I am genuinely just a miserable tit today. However blogging has helped. I think I will do this more often. Gym post tomorrow probably, got many plans for blogs, just none have appeared, it’s also the Canadian GP this weekend. Wonder how many pointless student protests there will be at this event.
This week has to be better. It’s only 3 days long. THREE DAYS. I can survive that right? I’ll also talk about my meal plan for the week tomorrow, and tell you all about how wonderful I feel about MORE SALAD. Lunches are fun…. nooooot.
Related articles
- Today: The food plan (harriparf.wordpress.com)
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